


from the moment when (i have loved you)

by everyotherfreckle



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Childhood Friends to Lovers, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-09-28 10:57:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10095695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everyotherfreckle/pseuds/everyotherfreckle
Summary: rey is just five years old when she makes her very first real friend.// or the one where finn is royalty, rey has the tendency to run from her problems and everything gets in the way of love.





	1. o n e.

Rey is just five years old when she makes her very first real friend.

His name is Finn and unlike the kids her father sometimes forces her to play with back at home, Rey actually genuinely likes Finn.

The first time she meets him - when they're alone in the giant hallways of a castle Rey doesn't know the name of while his parents and her dad are busy having an 'adult talk' - he's taller than her and older than her by four years and is very polite. His shirt is a pretty deep purple and tucked neatly into the waistband of his equally neatly pressed trousers. Finn shakes her hand and says it's ' _a pleasure to make her acquaintance_ '. Rey doesn't really know what that means so she decides that Finn is a little odd. In a nice sort of way, of course.

"How old are you?" He asks, still shaking her hand. Rey thinks he should let go. She's never seen adults shake hands for so long.

"Five, but I'll be six soon!" Rey smiles and immediately regrets it. For a moment, she forgot all about the fact that she's missing her two front teeth. She would really like to be Finn's friend but she doubts someone like him - her dad told her he was a  _prince_  - would want to be friends with her. He's a nine-year-old prince; she's just a toothless five-year-old.

Finn finally lets go of her hand and smiles back at her. Rey's heart leaps when she sees he's without one of his bottom teeth. She's instantly hopeful again that they can be friends.

"I got a holochess set for my birthday. Do you wanna play?" Rey answers his question with an enthusiastic nod and follows him down winding halls to his quarters to play with the fanciest holochess set she's ever seen.

The two of them play - well, not really  _play_ ; Rey doesn't know how to so Finn spends a good bit of time trying to teach her - for what was probably hours, all while talking about anything and everything they could think of.

Finn is way nicer (and funnier) than the kids back home. He doesn't care that she's missing teeth or that sometimes she snorts when she laughs; he doesn't once tease her about any of it. So when her dad comes to collect her after he's finished his talks with Finn's parents, Rey is ecstatic to find out they'll not only be staying on the planet, but also inside the castle as well! He doesn't bother her with information he says she's too young to know about but none of it matters. The only thing she cares about is getting to see more of Finn.

The pair of them become fast friends, spending almost all of their free time together. Rey was worried Finn would see her as a baby since she was so young but he never treated her that way. He included her in everything he could - every once in a while he would have to do certain things princes are meant to do which meant she couldn't tag along - and made sure to tell her all about the things he couldn't.

Everyone in the castle, staff and family alike, knew they were inseparable; you would never see one without the other, simple as that.

They were best friends and nothing in the galaxy seemed capable of changing that.

+

It isn't what her father wants to hear, but Rey hates the Force.

She's told him as much, too, making sure to roll her eyes and huff indignantly every time he brings it up. He chalks it up to her being twelve years old and simply ' _at that age_ ', that she'll understand in due time, but Rey doesn't think he should be so dismissive about it. She really does hate the Force and her age has nothing to do with it.

After all, it's all the Force's fault she has to leave her best friend.

"It's so stupid!" Rey is pacing in Finn's quarters, venting to him yet again about the whole Force issue. He's sitting in the middle of his bed, listening intently. "He wants to take me to some far away planet for who knows how long all because of some mysterious destiny of mine? What kind of father does that?"

"When are you supposed to leave?" Finn asks, his voice slightly cracking in that way that it does now ever since he turned fifteen.

"In two days." Rey stops in front of him, a deep frown on her face. "I'm going to miss your birthday."

Finn shrugs, failing at an attempt to appear nonchalant. He's just as upset about this as her; he's just better at hiding it.

"You can't ignore your destiny for me, Rey. This - this is bigger than either one of us. You're meant to be a Jedi, just like your dad. You have to go and train. For the galaxy's sake."

The only thing more irritating than the fact that she has to go fulfill this mysterious destiny of hers is that Finn is fully supportive of her leaving.

When she first told him what her dad said she was meant to do - ' _he said he's taking me somewhere called Ahch-To where I'm supposed to train to be a Jedi and hone in on my abilities to use the Force_ ' - Finn never once outright said that she should stay. He would say the castle is going to be a lot more empty and a lot less fun without her, but he always insisted she go.

Finn sighs and stands from his bed. He's still much taller than her and is beginning to look a lot more like the older boys he hangs around these days, but he still has the same old warm presence she's grown accustomed to.

"Your dad has protected my family for all these years, now it's your turn to go and become a Jedi so you can do the same. And when you're all done, you can come back and become the official head of my security detail. It's dangerous being a prince so I'm gonna need someone I trust a lot to protect me."

Since she was five, the longest Rey has gone without seeing Finn was the three days he went on a trip with his father to sign a trading treaty. She barely survived those three days; she can't imagine going years without him.

Despite her many temper tantrums, though, she knows she has to embark on this journey with her dad. There's something that's calling to her, something she can't explain nor ignore, that her dad says is the Force. And as badly as she wants to stay with Finn and celebrate his upcoming birthday and every one after that, she can't pretend to ignore the calling for much longer.

"Don't go off and get a new best friend while I'm gone." She says before giving him a playful shove.

"Don't worry," Finn laughs - Rey is going to miss that sound dearly - and pulls her into his chest for a tight hug. "There isn't anyone in the galaxy that can replace you, Rey."

+

There isn't much that can shake Rey these days. She's traveled the galaxy with her father and has seen things, both good and bad, that have changed her as a person. She's made eccentric friends in the Outer Rim and bitter enemies in the Western Reaches. She fancies herself as something of a warrior now, with the lightsaber she built with her own two hands resting comfortably at her side. She's become a more-than-capable pilot over the years and is about as confident as a nineteen-year-old Jedi-in-training can be.

But when her father tells her it's time they return home, all that confidence melts away and Rey suddenly feels like a toothless five-year-old again.

When she first left for Ahch-To, she and Finn sent holos to each other at least once a month up until the time his father became ill. Rey tried to be there for him as much as she could from so far away but eventually, the number of holos Finn sent slowed down until his father passed and they stopped altogether. Losing contact with him positively broke Rey's heart. She didn't train for a month, content to lie in bed all day, only making appearances for food and the occasional bit of sunlight.

Eventually, she learned to deal with the heartache. It never truly stopped hurting, of course, she just figured out a way to distract from the pain. Her father taught her how to use the Force to reach for Finn, to check and see how he was. It wasn't much but it would do.

Rey continued her training, more focused than ever, only losing that intense focus every once in a while to make sure her best friend was still doing well.

It worked for a long while and Rey was content with it, but now - now her father just wants to go back? After all these years?

"He's king now, you know." He idly comments, watching her punch in the coordinates to their destination. "Has been for years."

Rey blinks. She knew that. She thinks she felt when he was coronated. All that pressure, nerves both of excitement and fear - she wished badly that day she could have been there with him.

When she says nothing, her father moves into her line of sight, a bit of concern on his face. "We don't have to go back if you don't want to. I just thought maybe - "

"No, I do!" Rey shakes her head, hating how eager she sounded. "I mean I want to see Finn, I do. It's just that I've been gone almost eight years, and I think I may have promised him I'd be back in two."

Rey loves her father dearly and trusts him greatly, but there are some things she just can't discuss with him. Her complicated feelings regarding Finn being one of them.

At first, Rey reasoned she couldn't return to him because of her training. It took some time but she finally realized the path that she was on - the path the Force laid out for her to follow - was far too important to set aside for a simple friendship. Rey was sure Finn of all people would understand her prolonged absence. And she knew he would always be there waiting for her when she came back.

But when the need for isolated training was no more and there was really no valid reason not to return home, Rey - whether she could admit it to herself or not - knew her absence stemmed from fear.

What if Finn had grown less and less understanding as the years passed? Maybe that was the true reason he stopped contacting her. What if she wouldn't get the welcome from him she thought she would?

At any given time Rey could've boarded her ship and gone back to the castle she knew to be home, but she didn't. She instead chose to traipse around the galaxy looking for any excuse to stay away. She spent weeks on Jakku resolving conflicts at the local outpost leading to safer, less confrontational trading and bartering. She stayed on Jedah for months lending a hand in the long-standing efforts to restore the planet to its former glory.

And her father followed her faithfully, allowing her to travel without judgment. He said nothing when Rey decided it was time to leave Jakku when the passersby spoke of the 'newly crowned boy-king'. He stayed silent while she casually inquired fellow volunteers on Jedah about what they've heard about the kind, young king whose reign had the galaxy buzzing.

All that time, he said not a word. Until now.

"Fear is only as deep as the mind allows, Rey." He says with a wry smile. "Finn will be excited to see you again. Don't worry."

After being away for so long - and so much of that time spent running away - Rey sincerely hoped her father's words would turn out to be true.

+

Under the guise of needing to find her coat before leaving the ship, Rey hangs back and lets her father greet the welcoming party alone. She doesn't have to use the Force to know Finn is out there, standing mere meters away from the end of the ship's ramp. He's a king now and it's the duty of the king to greet all invited guests once they touch down on his planet. He probably won't leave until he greets her as well.

"Alright then," Rey mutters to herself as she tosses her coat on. "Better get this over with already."

When Rey steps off of the ramp, the greeting party has thinned dramatically from the large group she first saw when she landed. She can see Finn's mother and her father walking away and toward the castle followed by a number of servants, which leaves just Finn.

Or at least, she thinks the man waiting for her is Finn.

Rey doesn't know what she was expecting - he logically wasn't going to remain a scrawny fifteen-year-old forever - but this certainly wasn't it.

Finn has changed. A lot. He's much more handsome than she remembers him being. He hasn't gotten much taller, but he's filled out in other ways. His smile is as broad and perfect as ever and fills Rey with a familiar sense of warmth. There's the faintest hint of facial hair dusted across his jaw and -  _wow_. Rey really can't believe this is the same person that invited her to play holochess all those years ago.

Once she's reached him, Rey can hardly figure out what to say. A simple hello doesn't seem like enough yet she doesn't know what she could say that would suffice. Luckily, no words are needed. Finn bypasses all formal greetings in favor of wrapping his arms around her. He's solid and warm against her and Rey instantly feels at home. Finn's grip on her is almost suffocating - he's definitely gotten stronger - but there isn't anything short of passing out that would get her to tell him to let go.

"You came back." His voice is low and husky in her ear, his breath tickling her neck. " _Finally_."

"Did you ever doubt I would?" She replies, her hands fisting in the deep purple shirt he wore. His family's colors never looked quite this good on him before.

Finn pulls away after a long moment of holding her, his hands still on her shoulders keeping her at arm's length. His eyes roam over her, something unreadable on his face. Rey doesn't dare try to use the Force to find out what he's thinking. She's not entirely sure she wants to know.

"You look - wow." He wets his lips with a hint of a smile. "You look so grown up. I feel like just yesterday you were grinning at me with that toothless smile of yours."

Rey gives him a lighthearted shove for that one. "I could say the same for you. I don't remember you having  _this_  last time I saw you."

Finn playfully swats at her hands when her fingers come up to graze against the stubble on his jawline. Rey's missed this dearly. She's missed  _him_  dearly.

"Alright so we've both changed," he says. "Hopefully not too much, though."

The statement comes out as more of a question, which Rey doesn't know quite how to respond. She knows she's changed a lot in the last eight years, that she's someone Finn may have to get to know all over again, but at her core, she's still her. She's still the same girl who learned how to play holochess from him; that isn't something that would ever change.

Keen to leave that unspoken question for another time, Rey turns to more pressing matters.

"So, will I be staying in my old quarters or have you turned the room into a royal study,  _your grace_?" She's teasing him and he knows it. Finn rolls his eyes, his arms folding over his chest.

"Funny, but no. Your old room is still intact, however," he pauses, rocking back on his heels. "I did clear out one of the larger rooms near my own room. I suspected you might want to stay in a bigger room than the one you had when you were five."

Truthfully, since she began her training, Rey has slept in places far smaller than the size of her childhood bedroom. From the small damp cave on Ahch-To, to the cramped quarters of her and her father's ship to tiny hotels and lodges across the galaxy - Rey has almost become accustomed to small. Still, it will be nice to sleep somewhere rather luxurious for a change.

"So, just point me in the direction of your things so I can grab them for you and show you your new quarters." Just as Rey opens her mouth, Finn's hand comes up to stop her, a knowing smirk on his lips. "And before you say anything, I know I don't have to get your luggage but I  _want_  to."

Rey can't decide if she's just that predictable or if Finn just knows her that well. She's hoping it's the latter.

"Fine then." She says turning toward her ship's ramp. "Follow me."

Finn grabs all of her bags - there are only three but they're each pretty heavy; he makes carrying them look easy - and walks her through the winding halls of his castle to her new room. They keep up easy conversation as if they hadn't endured an almost eight year stretch where they didn't speak.

Finn smiles a lot as he tells her shortened versions of stories he thinks she'll find funny. Rey laughs louder and harder than she has in a very long time.

The time they spent apart seems to have done nothing to weaken their bond. Just as when they first met, Rey and Finn quickly slot right back into one another's lives, like the pieces of a large, intricate puzzle.

+

One of the best things about being back at Finn's castle is having access to the gardens. There are several of them on the grounds, all just as beautiful as the next, and they make the perfect spot to meditate.

On afternoons like this one, Rey likes to sit near the pond, close her eyes and relax. It's soothing to her to be able to reach out with the Force and feel all of the life around her. Being back home isn't nearly as exciting as flying around the galaxy, stopping here and there for various adventures, but Rey thinks she actually needed the tranquility of home for a change.

In the midst of her meditation, Rey is overwhelmed by a sense of Light, of pure warmth and goodness and she smiles slightly knowing Finn has walked through the entrance arches of the garden.

"Hello, Finn." She says, not bothering to turn and face him.

"Sorry, did I interrupt some important Jedi exercise? Because if I have, again, I apologize." Rey shakes her head at Finn's utter politeness. He walks closer, still careful as if he doesn't want to disturb her further. "Your dad told me you were out here. I just had a question for you that needed an immediate answer."

Rey finally turns, peeking at him over her shoulder. He's in his more comely tunic, the kind he only wears when he's leaving the planet for one of the many reasons kings must leave their planets.

Finn moves to sit next to her on the small bench in front of the pond, clearly no longer content to simply hover behind her.

"I have to go to Naboo tomorrow and I was wondering if you'd like to go with me?"

"As, like, an extra guard for you?" Rey asks, brow furrowed. Since she's been back Finn's made comments here and there about her taking over as his head of security but she always took it in jest. Those were promises he made her when they were kids; she doesn't actually expect him to make good on them. Though she can't see any other reason he'd be inviting her to travel all that way with him.

Finn laughs as he shakes his head. "No, nothing like that. I just thought since we haven't been able to properly catch up since you got back, a trip like this would be a good chance for us to finally do so."

Besides the small chunk of time they got to spend together when she first arrived back, Finn hasn't had much time for Rey. There was some unrest having to do with land disputes amongst the citizens he rules over so Finn has had his hands full for days handling it. Rey understands - he's a king, he has duties he has to fulfill - but naturally it hasn't given him many opportunities for socializing.

"I mean I do have some business to take care of when I get there, but it shouldn't take more than an hour. So the rest of my time there," he smiles, his hand resting gently on her knee. "Is totally dedicated to you. Whatever you'd like to do, we'll do it."

A day spent on Naboo finally getting to have quality time with Finn? The offer was too good for her to turn down.

"Sounds like a plan." Rey lays her own hand on top of his. "Just tell me when we leave and I'll be ready."

+

Turns out that Finn's business on Naboo ends up being more time-consuming than he originally thought. His meeting lasts almost two hours longer than planned and when Finn returns to the ship to get Rey, he doesn't look happy. But he shakes it off, intent to keep his promise to her of spending the remainder of the day together.  _Pleasantly_.

As they make their way to a more secluded

area of Naboo's vast expanses of land, Rey can sense something heavy weighing on Finn. He'll never voluntarily offer up whatever is bothering him, she knows this. Finn is the type of person to carry the entire weight of the galaxy on his shoulders and not once complain. He's always been good at hiding certain unpleasant emotions, even though Rey could still always tell when he was feeling them. She wants to ask about it, to see if there's anything she can do to help, but she doesn't want to possibly spoil this afternoon so she puts it in the back of her mind for the time being.

Before leaving for Naboo, Finn took the liberty of packing the two of them a picnic basket full of both of their favorite foods. He also brought along the same blanket they once had a picnic on in the garden behind his castle when they were kids. It's all very nice and very sentimental of him.

"So," he says, removing a bunch of grapes from the basket and plucking one off before tossing it into his mouth. "Tell me all about your training. I've literally been waiting eight years to hear about it."

Rey shrugs, swirling the juice around in the glass he gave her. "It's nothing exciting, really. I just trained for a few years, then I traveled."

"Travelled?" Finn frowns. "I didn't know travel was a part of Jedi training."

"It's not, but," Rey pauses. She could tell him the real reason she visited every corner of the galaxy possible, but she would rather not have that conversation with him now. Or ever. "You know me, I love doing things my own way."

Finn's eyes search hers and she thinks if he were able to use the Force, he would have discerned the real intentions behind her galaxy-hoping. Thankfully for her, he can't.

"What about you, though?" She says, reaching over to pull a few grapes off the bunch in his hand. "How is it being a king?"

Finn sighs and leans back on his elbow. "It's equal parts stressful and fulfilling. I like being able to positively affect such a large group of people but I don't like when I have to make the tough, unpopular decisions."

"Is that what today was?" Rey asks, curiously. He's opened the door just the slightest bit for her to inquire about his meeting earlier. He may not want to outright ask, but he does want to talk about it; she's sure of it. "Making some unpopular decisions?"

"No, today was - " Finn looks tired and suddenly about five years older. There he goes again; carrying the galaxy and not wanting anyone to help bear the weight with him. "I was proposed marriage today."

Well. That certainly wasn't what Rey was expecting. There's a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that she can't quite explain. She supposes in theory this should be exciting news, but Finn doesn't seem very happy about it.

(And, honestly, neither is she.)

"Did you," Rey almost doesn't want to ask. "Did you accept?"

Finn quickly shakes his head and she breathes a sigh of relief. Why she's so relieved, she can't say.

"The senator's daughter, Asha, is a lovely girl but I just don't want an arranged marriage, you know? I want to be with someone because I'm in love with them, not because of political ties." He lets out a humorless laugh as he plucks at a blade of grass beneath him. "That sentiment didn't go over too well with the council, though. That's why I was in there so long."

"So what happens now?"

"Well, they told me they'd give me some time to think. They say the odds of me finding 'true love' are slim to none and that I should just take Asha's hand while I still can." Finn chuckles to himself before looking up at her, his eyes shining brightly in the Naboo sunshine. "Too bad Jedi can't marry, otherwise I'd just marry you. That way I would finally get all these suitors off my back and I would be with someone I've actually known for more than three hours."

Rey laughs but even to her own ears it sounds nervous, forced. Marrying Finn would be far from the worst thing that could happen to her. In fact, there was a time in her life when she was certain she  _would_  marry him. After all, he was the only boy she could ever stand being around and she didn't see the point in looking past the perfectly good option right in front of her.

Still, that was a long time ago. Even though she missed it, Finn has grown up and developed his own idea of the perfect partner, just as she has. And she's sure his ideal partner isn't someone who abandoned him for eight years.

It's all moot anyway, though. Even if Rey were Finn's dream woman - which she's more than certain she isn't - and he were just dying to be with her, there would be no hope for a relationship between them. She would soon be bound by a code that a relationship - let alone a marriage - would absolutely violate.

Rey keeps the conversation light after that. Instead of talks of possible marriages, she regales Finn with stories from her travels. She tells him about how she almost singed off her father's eyebrows when she tried to build her lightsaber and the cantina where she played a game of sabacc and won an insane amount of credits. She even tells him about the poor boy on Jedah who almost got scared out of his skin by her dad all because he fancied her.

(Finn's smiles and laughter seem forced throughout that last story but Rey could be reading him wrong. It seems unlikely but there is a first time for everything.)

They laugh and eat and talk and laugh some more and soon neither one of them are thinking about Finn's possible impending nuptials. They simply enjoy the rest of their lazy afternoon before slowly making their way back to their ship.

Days like today, moments like these spent with him, serve as a reminder for Rey that no matter how much may change (say, if one of the were to suddenly get married) with them individually, together, their bond will always remain the same.

And that is an extremely comforting thought.

+

Rey has never put as much thought into romance and relationships as much as she has in the past few weeks. Ever since finding out that there apparently was a large group of eligible young women vying to be Finn's intended, she hasn't been able to stop thinking about it.

She isn't sure what the possible psychology behind it is, but knowing how wanted of a man he is has also made Rey view Finn differently.

One afternoon when he invited her to go for a dip in the lake with him, upon seeing him in the water, droplets clinging to his muscular frame, she found herself having thoughts about her best friend she's never had before. Thoughts about how she was somehow envious of those droplets of water or how when she finally gathered up the nerve to join him and he thought it funny to grab her around the waist and pull her underneath the surface with him, how welcomed the weight of his hands felt on her hips.

These untimely thoughts weren't limited to specialized situations, either. Even in the most normal of settings, Rey was all-consumed by more sordid thoughts.

For instance, whenever she would talk to him and his tongue would dart out to wet his lips - such a simple, harmless actions sent Rey's mind racing.

Whenever he would tell a story and his hands would gesture wildly and animatedly in front of him, she thought about his hands in hers, about how nice it would feel to have his fingers run through her hair. She thought of all the time he could spend tracing every inch of her body with his fingertips and how no matter how long it took, she would gladly let him.

The physical things about Finn were starting to weigh on her, yes, but it was actually seeing him during a tour of his kingdom where he was to meet with those he rules over that really sent her into a spiral.

The older community absolutely adore him. The elder women give him handmade gifts and baked goods whenever he makes his way around to their small living communities. The men comment on what a great king he is and how much he reminds them of his father, whom they also revered highly.

Those who are middle-aged come to him with problems which he promises to solve. They all tell him they have no doubt he will get it done.

The children love him, too. He gives them sweets that he's stashed in the pockets of his pants and gives piggyback rides to those who want them. Little boys and girls alike come up to him with paper crowns on their heads and tell him they'll grow up to be just like him.

And Finn is all smiles around them all, accepting their gifts and praise with a special kind of humility that could only come from him.

It's no surprise to her that Finn is such a great leader. He has all the necessary traits to be one. He's incredibly kind and softhearted yet able to be stern when the situation calls for it. He always tries to see things from both sides which allows him to judge things fairly. He genuinely cares for every person under his rule and that doesn't go unnoticed by the citizens.

So sure, Rey could admit that she may desire Finn physically - she  _could_  admit it but she won't - but it's really his heart, the things that make him uniquely him, that has her all out of sorts with her feelings.

If she had to describe her idea of the perfect partner, he sure would look a lot like Finn. Smart, caring, charismatic, handsome as all hell - whatever young woman he ends up promised to will undoubtedly be the luckiest girl in the galaxy.

Now Rey thinks she knows why up until recently she's never thought about romance that much. Even for someone of her mental fortitude, all of this pining was beginning to get very exhausting.

+

It isn't like Finn to be late for things.

Among his many wonderful personality traits, punctuality stood out as one of the best. If he said he would be somewhere at a certain time, it was an absolute sure thing that he'd be there on time. Which is why it's so odd that he's seemingly stood Rey up for lunch.

After fifteen minutes of staring at an empty chair in front of her, Rey set out to find wherever it was Finn considered a more important place to be than in the dining hall with her.

It doesn't take her long to find him. As she turns the corner to head in the direction of his study, she quite literally runs into him.

"Ow," he says, rubbing his forehead which collided with hers. When he regains his bearings, he immediately starts apologizing. "Rey! I'm glad I ran into you! Listen, I'm so sorry I didn't show up for lunch but - "

Before he can continue, Thom, one of the advisors on Finn's royal council, appears behind him having just exited the study. He looks agitated and it makes Rey wonder if Finn's absence was even any fault of his own.

"Your grace," Thom says, pointed and curt. "The ship is leaving any moment now. We should get going."

Finn rolls his eyes only because he knows Thom can't see. "I'll be there in a minute."

Thom lingers for a second, his eyes meeting Rey's with an unmistakable look of vexation, which is odd considering she's never said more than a few words to the man. She doesn't know what she possibly could have done to cause him to be cross with her.

Once his footsteps become distant echoes, Finn lets out a sigh. There's something strange about the situation that Rey can't quite put her finger on.

"I'm sorry for leaving you hanging with lunch and I promise I'll make it up to you but," he frowns, his gaze dropping to his shoes. "I have to go and meet another girl and her family about a possible marriage."

Rey tries not to seem too visibly upset by that bit of information, even if Finn himself looks downright miserable about it.

"Let me come with you, then." She offers, hopefully. "I can act as a buffer, y'know? Keep your spirits up so you don't look so gloomy when you meet this girl."

Finn offers a somber half-hearted smile that makes Rey wish he would have just not smiled at all.

"I wish you could but - it's such a complicated situation but I'll explain it all when I get back, okay?" Rey nods and Finn hugs her. His hand cradles her head and his nose nuzzles against the side of her neck. He hasn't hugged her this tightly since she returned. Something is definitely wrong.

Rey watches him walk down the long hallway toward the hangar where his royal ships are kept and doesn't move until he's disappeared from sight. Before her mind has the opportunity to race with possible explanations for what's just happened, her father walks out of the study, confusing her further.

"Dad?" When she walks up to him, he has the same sort of dejected look on his face that Finn had. "Is everything alright? I just talked to Finn before he left and he seemed upset. Is this about the girl he's going to meet?"

Her father looks at her as if he's contemplating whether or not to answer her question. Thankfully, he chooses to do so.

"Sort of." He sighs and runs his hand over his beard. "Before the council told Finn about the girl he's going to see now, he told them that he found a girl he would like to begin to court but they refused to let him."

"Let him?" Rey thinks that's absurd. How can a group of men have any sort of say in Finn's love life? "Finn is king. He can do whatever he wants, right? Especially considering it pertains to  _his_  personal life."

Her father shakes his head. "Not when it comes to this. His own mother and father were arranged to be married and from that arrangement came an agreement with the Queen's family for resources that the people on this planet still use to this very day. Finn is meant to marry for politics, not love."

Well, Rey can understand why Finn would be upset about that. Here he is having finally found a girl he thinks he may be able to make his princess only to have any potential shot at happiness shot down by a group of men who aren't at all affected by it.

Still, there are some lingering questions she has. Like, for starters, why Thom seemed upset with her. Was it because of the lunch date that unintentionally interfered with their meeting. Though, to be fair, the meeting was a spontaneous one. They had their lunch set up days in advance.

And also, why was her father in the study with them? He isn't a member of the council, nor is he the king's personal protection anymore. He's simply the co-head of security, a role that doesn't require him to attend meetings of the royal council.

It's all very suspicious and very shady but Finn said he would explain when he returned and Rey will absolutely hold him to that.

"Don't worry," her father says, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Finn will be fine. He just needs time to deal with it."

With that, he turns on his heel to set off for the side of the castle where he's housed. Before he can get too far, though, Rey stops him with a question.

"Who's the girl?"

"What'd you say, dear?" He asks, peering over his shoulder.

"You said Finn found a girl to court. Who is she?" Rey isn't sure what possesses her to ask - perhaps there was a bit of her that enjoyed the heart-wrenching feeling she would get whenever she thought about the cemented fact that Finn will never be hers in that capacity - but she's curious.

Her father opens his mouth before closing it quickly, clearly thinking better of his answer.

He simply gives her a small smile and shrug before saying, "He made me promise not to tell."


	2. t w o.

"Have you ever wanted something so bad even though you knew you couldn't have it?"

Rey stops fiddling with gears on the control panel to glance over at Finn. He's sat in the co-pilot's chair, pouting like he used to whenever his mother would tell him he couldn't have any sweets after dinner back when they were kids.

A few days ago, after whatever weirdness that was that occurred after their failed lunch date, Finn asked Rey if she'd accompany him to his next meeting - she thinks he should call them what they are: dates - with his new potential princess. Initially, Rey had zero interest in going to watch Finn try and woo some other girl, but he begged and pleaded and completely wore her down. So here she was, piloting him into the arms of his future wife.

And as if things were not bad enough, Finn's overall defeated attitude wasn't making the trip any easier to withstand.

"Is this about your mystery crush?" Rey asks. Finn suddenly looks alert now, almost panicked. She guesses he didn't know she knew. "Yeah, my dad told me. Of course, he didn't tell me who this mysterious young lady you wanted to court is, but I figure you'll tell me eventually."

Finn scoffs, leaning back in his seat. "Oh no, you're never gonna know that. I'm taking that with me to my grave."

"You know it's so weird how you wanted to court this girl, yet you seem too ashamed to let me know who she is. Are you afraid I'll judge you or something?"

"No, I'm proud to feel the way I do about this girl it's just - " he sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. "I don't wanna talk about this with you."

In all her years of knowing him, Finn has never once not wanted to share something with her. The idea that now he suddenly wants to start keeping things from her actually hurts. And that hurt must show on her face, because after a quick glance, Finn leans across the console between them to rest his hand on her knee.

"C'mon Rey, don't be mad. It's not personal it's just - "

"I'm not mad, Finn. I'm fine." Even she isn't convinced by her own words. "I just thought we were the kind of friends that share things with one another. I mean if I met someone I wanted to potentially marry, I would tell you."

"Yeah, but I don't wanna hear about you and other boys." Finn says rather petulantly.

" _Other boys_?" Rey scoffs, mocking him. "What's that supposed to mean - "

"Rey, can we just drop this? Please?"

One of the great things about Finn's royal ships is the amount of space on them. Now that he's effectively annoyed her, she doesn't have to be stuck in the cockpit with him. There's a whole living area in the back to escape to.

Rey wordlessly puts the ship on autopilot and exits the cabin. The fact that Finn doesn't protest or try to stop her irritates her further.

Their destination is hours away, even in hyperspace, and after about half of those remaining hours, Finn finally emerges from the cockpit. He looks apologetic, which Rey takes as a good sign. He should be apologetic after how he acted.

Finn shuffles over to the small table Rey is sitting at and sits beside her, his hands folding over one another on top of the table. She shuts off the datapad she was messing around on so she can focus solely on the apology that better be coming.

"I planned on never,  _ever_  telling you this, especially on the way to meet up with another girl, but - " he swallows hard. She's never seen someone so nervous over an apology. "I asked the council if I could court...you."

Rey blinks. "Me? You wanted to court  _me_?" Finn nods, his gaze firmly locked on his hands in front of him. She can't help but laugh at the idea of Finn -  _King_  Finn - Finn who could have any woman in the galaxy - wanting her. "Why?"

He chuckles, low and humorless. When he finally looks up, he looks the most vulnerable she's ever seen him. "Because I like you."

"Well I know that, but - " Rey says with a roll of her eyes. They've been friends for years, of course he likes her. He's told her as much before; courting her would be easier than traveling around to meet this suitor and that suitor. But still, he knows about the vows she's meant to take. Why would he even risk asking in the first place?

"No, Rey, you don't understand. I don't mean I just like you as a friend. I mean - " he sighs, wetting his lips. "The council is asking me to find someone to marry - someone to trust and confide in and build a life with and rule the kingdom alongside, but every time I think about the kind of person I want to do all that stuff with, I think of you. And I mean isn't that every person's dream? Marrying their best friend?"

Rey isn't quite sure what to say to a confession like that. The past couple of months she's spent agonizing over the fact that she very much wants him have only been made easier by knowing that Finn has no interest in her. Or at least she thought he didn't. Apparently he's been spending his time pining over her as she has over him.

Her father always said that only in hindsight can one see things for what they are and now Rey finally understands what he meant by that. Looking back, the signs of Finn's affection were all there, she just couldn't see them for what they were. She was so thoroughly convinced that her crush was one sided, she missed all of the obvious indicators that it wasn't at all.

"Rey, say something. Please." Finn's eyes are pleading, nervous for her response. He's just told her he's romantically interested in her and she's sat here silent for quite some time. She can understand his anxiety.

"Um, I have to go pilot the ship now. We should be landing soon so the autopilot's probably gonna click off." Rey leaps up and quickly scurries into the cockpit of the ship, cursing herself the entire way there.

She will address this at some point - really, she will - she just can't do it right now. Not when they're on their way to meet a girl his kingdom's council would rather he marry. Not when her head is still spinning - everything makes so much sense now;  _that's_  why Thom acted so coldly toward her and - wait, does this also mean her father knows about Finn's feelings for her? - about all of this.

For now, Rey can only focus on the task at hand, which is getting him to his potential intended.

+

It would seem that the council hit the bullseye with their choice for Finn's future wife.

The young woman's name is Kimera and Finn actually hit it off quite well with her.

After their initial meeting - which Rey didn't stick around for; besides the fact that she wasn't keen on being a third wheel, there was the little issue of him confessing his feelings for her not an hour beforehand - Finn made it so he and Kimera could spend more and more time together. He would sometimes take overnight trips to her planet and she would sometimes come and visit his. Finn was clearly happy so obviously Rey was happy that he was happy but -

Ever since he told her that he originally wanted to court her, they've been walking on eggshells around one another. They still talk and joke rather easily, like nothing at all has changed between them, only now Rey is way more hyperaware of the little things Finn does that she may have missed before.

Before, she would have never noticed the way his eyes sometimes linger on her lips for far too long or how his hand hovers around the small of her back when they walk through the halls of the castle. She's no longer blissfully oblivious to his ridiculous attempts to do or say whatever he can to make her smile or how he moves his schedule around to allow for them spend time together even though his days were already stretched thin from scheduling time with Kimera as well.

Which is why after much thought, Rey decides she has to leave. Again.

It's been nice being back in the castle and being with Finn, but he's clearly moving toward the next phase of his life - being a king who now has a  _princess_  to rule beside him - and Rey feels her presence would only hinder his progress. He should be focusing on other things, things that aren't her. It would be selfish of her to stick around knowing she's a distraction to him.

"Are you sure about leaving, Rey? I mean have you even talked to Finn about this?" When she told her dad she'd be leaving, he made the choice to stay. He was getting too old to galavant around the galaxy and she understood that. It was alright; she would do just fine on her own.

"Why would I need to talk to him?" Rey asks, shoving a messily folded stack of tunics into her suitcase. "He doesn't have a say in what I do."

"True, but you may want to at least speak with him considering how you're only leaving because he told you about his feelings for you." Rey freezes. She never told him she knew. Her father chuckles, shaking his head. "I knew he wouldn't be to keep  _that_  particular secret from you for very long."

Rey sighs, resuming her packing. "That's not the only reason I'm leaving. I'm also leaving because I want to get on with my life. You taught me the ways of the Jedi for my own knowledge and I think it's time I go and put that knowledge to good use."

Even without looking at him, she knows her father's eyebrows are knit together in deep concern. It's almost palpable at this point.

"Besides," she stops again, turning to face him. "Finn doesn't need me anymore. He has Kimera."

Just as he opens his mouth to speak, there's a knock at the door. Rey is bombarded by that same sense of Light and good and a warmth that (irritatingly) feels like home and she knows it's Finn. Her dad must know too because he simply stands, opens the door and wordlessly breezes past Finn on his way out.

Finn takes a careful step inside, the door sliding shut behind him. The moment he eyes all of her luggage, a frown forms on his face.

"What's all this?" He asks, motioning toward the stack of pants in her hands.

"I'm, um - I'm leaving." Rey feels like a coward but she isn't able to meet his eyes. She knows they're probably big and sad and if she looks, she may lose the nerve to actually go.

"Leaving? For how long?"

"Ever?"

Finn's hand is at her wrist in the blink of an eye, stopping her from being able to shove more clothing into her suitcase. When she looks at him -  _kriff_  she shouldn't have done that - he doesn't look sad at all. Confused, hurt and a little angry, yeah. But not sad.

"You mean you're leaving permanently? Like, for good? As in living somewhere else that isn't here for the rest of your life?" He scoffs. "Why would do that? This is your home, Rey. You don't just up and leave your home."

"Finn," Rey glances down at his hand still clasped around her wrist. "You know why I have to leave."

She hopes he doesn't make her say it out loud. She hopes he knows - and she strongly suspects her does - and that he lets it remain unspoken between them. She hopes he makes this easier on both of them and just lets her go without a fuss. She  _hopes_  all of that will happen but highly doubts it actually will.

"I know it's hard, being around each other and not being able to do anything about our feelings but," Finn steps so close the toes of his shoes are touching hers. He slides his hand down her wrist to twine their fingers together. There's something in his eyes, something dangerous and desirous, that leaves a knot in Rey's stomach. "I  _need_  you here, Rey. I already went years without you once, I don't wanna do it again."

Rey thinks if this were a perfect world where Finn had no intended and she were free to be with him as she pleased, this would be the perfect moment for them to share their first kiss.

(He just told her he needs her for kriff's sake, any response from her that  _isn't_  a kiss is quite frankly insulting to him.)

But they don't live in a perfect world. They live in this world and in this world, they're both meant to travel paths that unfortunately don't align with one other.

Besides, she's made up her mind. She has to leave.

"I'll visit as much as I can. And you know when the marriage happens I'll be right there, right by your side." She says with a smile that feels forced. Her eyes sting all of a sudden; the last thing she needs right now is to cry. "But I can't stay, Finn. I just can't. It isn't fair to either one of us."

Finn nods, his own eyes brimming with tears. He expectedly pulls her in for a hug, holding her tight - tighter than he did when they were kids and she first left; tighter than a few months ago when she returned home - like he may never let go. Rey reciprocates fully, clutching on to him as if her life depended on it and burying her face into the side of his neck.

It seems like they stay this way forever but when he lets go, it suddenly feels like it wasn't nearly long enough. Rey expects some final word from him, something along the lines of a perfectly timed quip to lighten the mood, but Finn remains silent. His eyes flicker to her lips - he's  _got_  to stop doing that - like they so often do. Only this time, instead of his normal ' _look-away-and-pretend-nothing-happened_ ', Finn leans forward and presses his lips against hers.

Of all the times for him to decide to kiss her,  _of course_  he would choose now.

Rey's body goes completely rigid and if it weren't for Finn's hand sliding through her hair to cradle the back of her head, she doesn't know if she would have ever moved. Her arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer toward her. For never having kissed before, their lips move in perfect synchrony.

As much as she would like to enjoy this, to revel in the simple fact that  _Finn is kissing her_ , Rey can't. She knows this isn't a kiss born of fondness but is a last ditch effort to get her not to leave. Finn kisses her with such suffocating desire -  _please stay please stay please stay pleasestay_  - and it takes everything in Rey's power to move away from him.

When she steps back, her lips feel raw, bruised - much like her heart. Finn's eyes search hers for an inkling that he's gotten her to change her mind and when he doesn't see it, he simply nods, turns on his heel and leaves her room without a word.

So much for hoping for a painless goodbye.

+

Finn doesn't see her off when she leaves.

Rey understands.

She doesn't think she had another goodbye in her either.

+

Living alone turned out to be easier than Rey could have hoped.

After finding a quiet, quaint village on a nice little planet to settle on, the rest of her new life fell easily into place. She had a lovely home, a decent job and the people she lived around were as kind as could be. Everything was going better than she had planned so, in theory, she should have been more than satisfied, but she wasn't.

The feeling is reminiscent of the years she spent training. There were a lot of times where she was actually really, really content with her life, but more often than not there was a gnawing at her heart. There was an empty feeling inside of her chest and she knew exactly what the cause of it was.

She just missed Finn  _so much_.

Back when she first felt that way, she would do what her father taught her, reach out via the Force and see if she could find him. Even if the connection was weak - it never was when it came to him - and she could only feel the most basic of his emotions, it would calm her immensely. It temporarily filled that emptiness in her chest and eased the gnawing.

Only Rey was determined not to rely on that this time around. She would no longer allow Finn to be her emotional crutch. She loved him, yes - she's also had to deal with being able to admit  _that_  particular truth to herself over the past few weeks - but there was no use driving herself silly over something that would never be. He was moving on so she had to move on as well.

When things got really bad like they are today - she had a dream about him last night; it's been on her mind all day - Rey calls her dad. He doesn't tell her much about the things that have been happening, per her request, but she can always tell just from how he speaks. When things are good, he jokes more. When things aren't so good, he's more reserved and strokes his beard a lot. Today he's done both so she can't really get a good read on the vibe of things.

"You look tired. Everything alright?" Rey asks the hologram of her father. She would have normally waited until she got home to call, but today's been especially bad; she doesn't mind talking to him on her way home.

There's a slight buzz as he shakes his head. "I was temporarily appointed to the royal council the other day and it's a lot more work than I thought."

Rey frowns. "You joined the council? Why? I thought you said you were too old to do anything that didn't involve playing sabaac or watching old holofilms?"

"I am," he chuckles. "But it was kind of an emergency situation so - "

"Emergency?" Rey tries to keep the panic from her voice. She couldn't imagine anything happening to him - or to Finn - and her being so far away.

"It's nothing you should worry about, but," he pauses, clearly mulling over whether or not to tell her. "The old council tried to organize a coup."

Rey almost drops her datapad. A  _coup_? She's never heard of a peaceful coup, which means the (stupid, no good) group of trusted advisors Finn put his faith in wanted to harm and usurp him. And, kriff, what if they had succeeded? Her father and Finn's mother and everyone else she cares about would have been in danger while she's out 'enjoying' her new solitary life.

"Rey, honey, everything is fine, okay? Just...breathe." There's a hint of amusement in his voice, which she doesn't understand at all. "The Queen and I have got everything under control."

Just as Rey is about to respond - that's great news but if the two of them were handling things, where was Finn in all of this? - when she walks up the pathway to her home and sees a light on in the window. She never leaves her lights on.

"Dad, I'm going inside now. I'll call you back in a few, okay?" Rey keeps on a pleasant front as they say their goodbyes, lest he adds worrying about her on top of everything else on his plate.

Once the call is over, Rey slides her datapad into her bag and takes out her lightsaber. She slowly opens the front door, finger hovering over the ignition button just in case.

"You know, as a super cautious Jedi," the sound of a man's voice causes Rey's heart to nearly leap out of her chest and she ignites her 'saber instantly. She's so startled by hearing the voice, it takes her a moment to register that she  _knows_  that voice. When she spins around and sees Finn sat on the armchair in her living area, she forgets how to breathe. "You'd think you would lock your door when you leave but I guess - "

"Kriffing -  _Finn_?" Rey almost can't comprehend that he's here. In her home. A mere five feet away from her. She puts her lightsaber away, still confused as to why exactly he's here considering what’s going on back at home. "Finn, you scared me half to death! I could have really hurt you!"

"I can see that," he says, nodding toward the weapon in her bag. "Now I'm starting to think the element of surprise probably wasn't the best idea."

"You think?" She sarcastically quips. Once her heart stops beating so hard from the startle, it starts beating hard because  _Finn is here_. The council just tried to usurp him and his family and he found it a reasonable time to runaway and find her because of course he would. "What are you doing in my house?"

"I felt it would be better than waiting outside? It's pretty chilly out." Seeing that she was in no mood to laugh at his (adorably dumb) joke, Finn shrugs, his hand rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck. "Some really screwed up stuff happened back home and - I don’t know. I needed a break from it all. I had to get away otherwise I was gonna lose my mind and I figured if anyone would be willing to take me in it’d be you."

She should kick him out. She should march him back onto his ship and fly him back home where he should be, where he  _needs_  to be, but she just doesn't  _want_  to. She's spent so long practically aching to be near him again, the selfish part of her decides she could stand to let him stay. Even if it’s just for the night.

There are a lot of questions Rey would like to ask him, though. Most of them have to do with Kimera, who's suspiciously missing-in-action; a few of them have to do with what happened the last time she saw him. But she knows Finn well enough to know he’s not going to be up for talking about any of it. At least not now.

"Well in that case, do you want some food then?" Rey offers with a tiny smile. "I could try and make us both some dinner."

Finn scoffs, playfully. "But you're a terrible cook." He stands from the armchair, waltzing past her and into the kitchen. " _I_  will make us something. That way it'll at least be edible."

Rey rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out at him, all in jest. Finn simply smiles and starts rummaging through her cabinets for various pots and pans and through her pantry for different ingredients.

It’s amazing - and maybe too good to be true - but just these few minutes around him and the uncomfortable hollowness in her chest is quickly disappearing by the second.

Maybe having him around will actually cause more good than harm.

+

Dinner was absolutely lovely.

Along with being handsome, charming and too kind for his own good, Finn also happens to be a ridiculously good chef. Rey didn't even know this good a meal could be made from the things she had in her kitchen but Finn worked his magic and made something wonderful from virtually nothing. He's always been good at doing that.

As per usual with them, they don't talk about any of the many things they probably should. Instead of discussing the almost-coup or the fact that they shared quite the kiss before she left, they talk of just about anything else.

Rey tells him about how she’s settled into life on her own and Finn - well. Finn doesn’t say much about what’s happened since she left and what he _does_ say only pertains to her father or his mother. He’s careful not to bring up the council or Kimera or anything related to the two.

It’s nice and it keeps the conversation light, but it also leaves a little tension in the air. They’re going to have to talk about it sooner or later. Rey would prefer sooner; Finn, later.

"I noticed you cut your hair." Finn points out after he's finally finished the last of his meal. The appreciative once-over he gives her distracts her from any other thought she had in her head. Her skin suddenly feels warms. "I like it."

Rey wants to quip that she didn't cut it for him and that she doesn't care whether or not he likes it but she suspects the definite blush on her cheeks might have taken away from that message a bit.

"Thanks," she says, consciously tucking a bit behind her ear. "I figured it was time for a change."

Finn hums into the rim of his glass of water. He’s still peering at her, eyes lingering here and there. It would seem being away from his home planet, from _his wife-to-be_ , has made him bolder than he might have been otherwise.

"Because moving away wasn't a big enough change?" There's the slightest bit of resentment behind his words. She chooses to ignore it. "Anyways, it looks great. You look great. But you always look great, so."

Rey carefully lifts an eyebrow. Well if he wants to be flirty, two can definitely play that game.

"You look well, too. Handsome as ever." She says, eyelashes batting in the way she’s seen sultry female characters in popular holofilms do to weaken the knees of their love interests. He’s sitting so she can’t be sure if his knees are weakened, but judging by the look on his face - like a dehydrated man staring at a glass of ice water - Rey thinks she may be getting the desired effect. "But maybe it’s just because you’re something I can’t have."

That’s what he called her all that time ago, back on his royal ship when he first told her that he wanted to court her. He called her something he couldn’t have. He’s sure to get the reference.

Finn smirks at her, defiant and smug. "Who said you couldn’t have me?"

He looks so pleased with himself for that one. Rey hates to concede - she doesn’t want him thinking he’s somehow gotten the best of her; she could really continue this flirty banter if she wanted to - but Kimera’s face suddenly pops into her head.

This is wrong, flirting with him like this. It doesn’t matter if its innocent - which she isn’t completely sure it was - it’s still improper. Besides the fact that he’s an engaged man, behaving like this with one another will only make it that much more painful when reality sets in. That reality being that there were a whole set of laws and rules and councilmen that said they couldn’t have each other.

This is the precise reason she left in the first place.

"Um," she starts, standing from the table and gathering both of their plates. "I’m going to put these away and then I’ll help you get settled down for the night."

When she returns from the kitchen, she motions for Finn to follow her. She takes him down a short hallway to the small closet next to her bedroom.

"So the 'fresher is just there, in case you need to go tonight," she says, pointing a little ways down the hall before opening the closet and pulling out a soft beige blanket. "And here's a blanket. Pillows are on the couch, which is where you’ll have to sleep since I don't have any spare rooms. It's pretty comfortable, though, so you should be fine."

"Thank you." Finn smiles appreciatively as he takes the blanket from her.

The tension between them is near suffocating and Rey doesn’t want to bring it up so soon, but she doesn't think she can hold it in any longer. The sooner she finds out, the quicker things between them will go back to normal. Or as normal as things between them can be, all things considered.

"Finn, what exactly happened back home?" Rey's question is met with an exasperated sigh. Finn slumps against the wall behind him. "I know you would rather not talk about it but - my dad told me there was a coup?"

" _Attempted_  coup." He corrects. "Long story short, the council got pretty ticked off at the fact that Kimera and I were no longer set to get married, so they tried to overthrow me."

"Wait, you and Kimera aren’t getting married anymore? What happened?" Rey tries not to sound too excited just in case he's sincerely heartbroken by it.

"She," Finn chuckles. "Does not want to be with me. So she called it all off."

Well. Rey certainly didn't see that coming.

"We, um, tried to be together for a little while. She moved into the castle and everything, and things were fine until - " He wets his lips, a nervous habit of his. "One night we were attempting to share quarters and apparently I talk in my sleep. Let’s just say she wasn't too happy with what I was saying."

"What  _were_  you saying?" Rey asks, curiously.

Finn smiles sadly before answering. "I was calling out for you."

Of course he was.

Rey immediately feels a wave of guilt rush over her. She left so she wouldn't be any sort of obstacle between Finn and Kimera yet, even from a different planet in a different system she still managed to ruin things for them.

"I tried to forget you, Rey, I really did. I tried to move on and focus solely on Kimera and the engagement, but  _kriff_ ," he chuckles. "You're so damn hard to let go of."

After a few tense seconds, Rey lets out a paltry, "Sorry."

It's not nearly enough but she doesn't know what she could say that would be. It feels sort of silly to have to apologize for being the object of his affections. If she could change it, change the way he feels about her and allow him to marry the young woman his kingdom _needs_ him to marry, she would. But she can’t. All she can do is try and lessen his feelings for her.

Finn lifts a shoulder a bit indifferently. "So, yeah, that's what happened. Kimera called the engagement off because she said she didn’t think it would be fair to either one of us, no matter how beneficial for our respective kingdoms it could have been. The council thought I did something on purpose, some act of rebellion since they were forcing Kimera and me together. And because they felt like I blamed them for you leaving. Thus, the failed coup."

Rey reaches over to him, hand resting on his forearm. "I'm sorry, Finn. Really. I know you liked her a lot."

"Yeah," he hums thoughtfully, his fingers twiddling with the blanket in his hands. "Maybe in another life she and I could’ve worked out but I just couldn’t make myself love her. I know that sounds harsh, or whatever, but I _did_ care about her. Just not in the way everyone wanted me to. Not in the way I care about you."

Rey can't do this with him. Not tonight, not right now. Maybe tomorrow when she's had to time to digest this - not only is he here but he's here  _and_  no longer promised to anyone - she can deal with what exactly this all means for them - for her. Is he here to ask her to come back with him? Does she even  _want_  to go back? Does he? If she does go back, how long before the new council finds another match for him? Is it even worth putting herself through the heartbreak all over again?

Tomorrow. She'll answer all those questions tomorrow.

"Right. Well if you need anything, my room is right there. Just knock." These days she's become something of a pro at skirting around uncomfortable subjects. "Goodnight, Finn."

Before she can turn and head for her bedroom, Finn stops her. He grabs her hand, pulls her almost flush against him and places a gentle kiss on her forehead.

It's so sweet, so  _tender_ , it turns the whisper in her head -  _invite him in! you know you want to._  - into something of a loud shouting.

But that's just her emotions talking. It's a knee-jerk reaction to the way he makes her feels, an impulse, almost. And she can't act on impulse, not with Finn. She has to think and act logically. It's the safest way to prevent her heart (perhaps not completely broken but definitely bruised) from taking any more damage.

"Goodnight, Rey."

She watches him walk away down the hall and around the corner into the living room.

 _Tomorrow_ , she reminds herself.

+

Rey barely slept that night. Her brain kept her awake thinking of all sorts of scenarios with Finn that would probably never happen.

She thought about how great it could be if they just ran away. If he were to shirk all his responsibilities and she were to forget about the bigger purpose of her training, of one day reestablishing the Jedi Order. They could settle somewhere on the Outer Rim where no one cares about kings or Jedi. It could work and they would probably be really happy for a while but even Rey knows that happiness would be fleeting. Finn’s call to lead, to help his planet thrive and prosper is just as strong as her call to the Force. Running away would never work.

Then there was the thought of returning home. Rey assumes the council, the old one that tried to usurp Finn, is gone and maybe with them went the preference of arranged marriages. And even if it didn’t, if the new council still insists on Finn marrying for convenience rather than love, maybe Rey could convince them of her value. If Finn were to marry her - _a Jedi_ \- perhaps that would be a means of protecting his planet. What other kingdom in their right mind would try and start a war with a king who was the son-in-law of a Jedi as well as being married to one?

But that argument was flimsy at best. Her father is aging and without him, what’s a single Jedi against an entire army? Besides, at some point Rey would have to leave to begin _her_ duty of reestablishing the Jedi Order. Some marriage that would be. Her away on Jedah for months at a time, while he rules the kingdom with an absentee princess.

After hours of mulling it over, Rey comes to the realization that no matter the scenario, maybe she and Finn just weren’t meant to be.

Yet there’s still a nagging voice in her head telling her that she has to at least try, that there _has_ to be a way for them to be happy with each other.

Once she hears movement coming from outside of her room and she knows Finn has been awake for more than a few minutes, Rey stomps into the living room - bed hair and pajamas and all.

When she walks in, Finn is standing by the couch having just stepped into the pair of pants he had on the previous night. Because her timing is the most unfortunate and everything, it seems that she’s caught him in the middle of changing. His shirt is hanging over the side of the couch and his (very bare, very _wonderful_ ) torso is somewhat damp. He must have just stepped out of the shower. Which would actually explain why she heard the ‘fresher door opening and closing so much.

"Sorry,” he smiles, fastening the button on his pants with deft fingers. “I thought I’d be done by the time you woke up - "

Rey waves a hand to stop him from speaking. If she doesn’t say this now, she might never.

She walks up to him with her heart beating loudly in her ears, grabs his (perfect, beautiful) face in her hands and kisses him. Kisses him hard and hungry because she has to let him know. He has to know that she wants him, has always wanted him.

She kisses him because she needs him to know that she wants him but also because she just wants to kiss him. His lips are soft and warm and he tastes a bit like soap and Rey wants to be able to do this whenever she pleases. She doesn't want a stupid council to stand in the way of her being able to grab Finn and taste soap on his lips whenever she damn well feels like it.

She just needs to figure how she can make that happen.

Finn pulls away first, breathless with all of his exposed skin warm underneath Rey's touch.

"I _want_ this, Finn." She tells him with the utmost sincerity. "I want to have this with you for the rest of my life _so badly_ , believe me, but - "

Rey cuts her words short because _of course_. She knows how they can be together. She doesn’t know why this particular idea never occurred to her but out of a handful of terrible options, the one that’s just crossed her mind seems the best of a bad bunch.

"But what?" Finn asks, his hands still fixed at her waist.

"You and I are going back home, but first there’s something we have to do."

+

The tapping of Finn’s foot against the grate beneath their feet is only slightly distracting as Rey lands the ship in the royal hangar. She, of course, can’t see out of the passenger window but from the way Finn’s nerves seem to have been ratcheted up, she’ll assume either one or both of their parents are down on the landing strip waiting for them.

"Your dad’s here." Finn says, foot still tapping. "No sign of my mom but I will count that as a blessing in disguise. Probably best to deal with one of them at a time."

Rey flips off the engine once the ship is safely on the ground and turns to the very anxious young man in the co-pilot’s chair beside her.

"Finn," she starts, hand resting on his knee. "Everything is going to be fine."

"How can you be so sure of that?" He asks, a wrinkle forming between his brows as he frowns.

"I’m not." She confesses which only worries him further. "But I have to believe that things will be fine because one of us has to remain calm. And since you’ve already called dibs on freaking out…"

Finn takes a deep breath and grabs her hand from his knee and weaves their fingers together. "Right," he says with a bit of false bravado. Fake it ‘till you make it, she guesses. "Let’s just get this over with. Rip the band-aid off and deal with the fallout like the adults we are."

Rey can’t help but allow herself a soft chuckle. He’s trying so hard to be strong for the both of them and she loves him dearly for it.

When they both step off of the ship, her father grins one of those rare ear-to-ear grins he saves only for special occasions.

"You know, I always knew you'd come back, Finn," he says slowly approaching them. "But I must admit, I didn't think you'd come back with my daughter in tow."

Rey wonders if the reason he’s the only one here to receive Finn is due to everyone being too preoccupied cleaning up the mess he left behind or no one actually wanting to greet their runaway king. Regardless, it’s nice to see such a cordial face.

"Oh, c'mon, dad," Rey scoffs lightly. "We all know that's a lie."

He shrugs. "Okay, I didn't think he'd get you to come back  _so soon_." He corrects before raising an eyebrow in the direction of her and Finn's joined hands. "Is there something you two would like to share with me?"

The two of them exchange looks. Finn gives a slight shake of his head which Rey will assume means he wants her to be the one to break the news.

"Dad," _Rip the band-aid off_ , Finn’s voice echoes in her head. She can do this. Her father loves her and he loves Finn. This’ll be fine. "Finn and I are - uh, we are both - or rather, we decided to - um. Sorry! What I mean to say is - "

"Rey and I are married." Rey’s never been more thankful for Finn in her life. She doesn’t know if she would have ever been able to get the words out.

Expectedly, Rey’s father looks shocked. His mouth hangs open as his hand comes up to stroke his beard. With each passing second that he says nothing, Rey grows more nervous.

"Let me see if I understand this correctly." He finally says after a long period of silence. "The young woman you were meant to marry calls off the engagement resulting in a coup which resulted in various banishments leaving me - an old man that just wants to rest and play sabaac - in charge of a royal council that I am the only member of. Then you up and leave the planet for four days and come back married to _my daughter_."

Finn nods slowly. "Yeah, sounds like you got it all worked out."

Her father lets out a humorless laugh. "You know what, Finn? If you weren't king - which you may not be for long once your mother hears about this - I would _throttle you_ for being so daft!"

"Listen, dad," Rey steps between him and Finn in an effort to maybe curb his agitation. "This wasn’t Finn’s idea, okay? It was mine. I know that the council would rather him be with someone that can provide something that the kingdom can benefit from and I also know that I’m not technically supposed to be in a relationship, let alone a marriage, because of the Jedi Code but granddad was married and if it weren’t for that you wouldn’t be here so - "

"Are you sure you want to start taking cues from your granddad?" He interrupts and, yeah. Okay maybe that wasn’t the _best_ example but the point still stands. "And just so you know, I’m not upset about the two of you being together. I mean anyone in the castle with at least one good eye could see that you two were bound to be with one another, I’m just upset neither one of you saw fit to inform me or Finn’s mom about this."

"We would have, but," Finn says. "We were just so afraid you guys would try and stop us."

"Well we wouldn’t have. If there are any two people on this planet that know just how much the two of you mean to one another, it’d be me and your mom." Her father eyes the two of them, the tiniest of smiles on his face. "And, look, as far as trying to convince any council that your being married is what’s best for the kingdom – don’t worry about it. The council is a flawed system, to be honest. I've never liked the idea of having a bunch of men driven by political ambitions of their own telling a king what he can and cannot do, so I took my grievances up with your mother a few days ago and she agreed with me wholeheartedly. And since I'm technically the head of this new council, I reserve the right to disband it.

"And as for the Jedi Code," he waves a hand dismissively. "Those rules are old and antiquated. I trained you well enough and I trust you enough to be able to handle having a partner."

This almost feels too good to be true. With no council and no pesky code to stand in their way, Rey and Finn were actually free to be together. More than that, they were now free to _enjoy_ their marriage without the fear of having anything break them apart.

"So now that we've gotten _that_ out of the way," her father shimmies himself in between them, throwing an arm around Finn's shoulder and slowly leading him into the castle. "I think it's time for us to have a little talk. Father-to- _son-in-law._ "

Finn looks back at Rey, a light panic etched on his face. Rey simply shrugs; it's not like she can do anything about this and besides, they're both the two most important people in her life - her father and _her husband_. A talk like this was  _long_  overdue.

+

Even through years of rigorous training, Rey has never been as tired as she is tonight.

After a very thorough talking-to from Finn’s mother, she gave the two of them her complete blessing and insisted on throwing them a proper wedding. And they didn’t know it at the time, but proper was just code for _insanely extravagant_.

It was less of a private affair and more of a public celebration. Finn presented Rey to the people in the kingdom as his wife, which was thankfully positively received. She has been a fixture in the community for some time and the people know her. They were more than happy to hear she would be their new princess.

After the presentation came the ceremony. It was a little more private but still very public. Dignitaries from allied kingdoms came to watch King Finn be married (or rather _re_ -married; but they didn’t need to know that bit) to his betrothed. They all labeled the marriage as ‘ _a sign of a change in the way things are done_ ’ and commended him for being brave enough to shun a traditional arranged marriage in favor of being with someone he truly loves. It was nice to have so much positive support.

Once the ceremony was over, the reception began. It was a fun time, eating and dancing and celebrating her and Finn’s love for one another but it was also extremely tiring. When it was all over, Rey wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed.

"So, how's it feel to be a queen?" Finn asks before biting into a strawberry he's gotten from the fruit basket nestled between them.

The two of them are in their bed in their newly renovated room - his mother insisted on making his quarters fit for both him and his new princess - picking through one of the (strangely) many fruit baskets they received as a wedding gift. They're both still in their wedding outfits - Finn's managed to shed more clothing than she has, only still wearing his nice slacks and the thin shirt he wore under his fancy tunic; she's still in the lovely dress his mother had made for her - and probably look a mess but it's the most comfortable they've been all day. 

"I'm not a queen. Your mother is queen. I'm just a princess." Rey reminds him, reaching over to wipe an errant strawberry seed from the corner of his mouth with her thumb.

"Yeah, true," he grabs her hand, pressing his lips to her fingertips. She loves him _so much_. "But you're  _my_  queen."

It feels daunting to know that after two weeks, when their honeymoon is over and they actually have to start ruling the kingdom together, Rey will actually preside over  _thousands_  of people. Finn has assured her she'll be great, and she doesn't doubt him. He's been doing this for years and has been nothing short of amazing at it. She's just happy she'll finally be able to - and he’ll finally _let her_ \- help him carry some of the weight he insists on putting all on his shoulders.

"And, y'know love, not that this isn't fun, but eating fruit in bed isn't generally what newlyweds tend to do on their wedding night."

Rey gives him a coy look, removing the basket from between them and placing it on the nightstand near the bed.

"Well then tell me,  _my king_ ," she practically purrs at him. "What exactly  _do_  newlyweds do on their wedding night?"

Finn grins, mischief written all on his face. "Oh my princess, I could tell you, but I would  _much_  rather show you."

And show her he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so bad at endings. why am i so bad at endings?
> 
> anyhow, i hope you all liked it! i struggled one whether or not to let this one pan out super angsty but i'm a sucker for a good ol' happy ending so a happy ending we got!
> 
> i look forward to hearing about how y'all felt about this little two-shot and as always, thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> so i figured this would be easier to digest in two parts than the massive 13k word oneshot it originally was going to be. part two will be posted in a few days but until then, i shall enjoy reading all of the (hopefully) lovely comments and sending good vibes to all those who leave kudos!!
> 
> thanks for reading!


End file.
